A few days ago we were doing an exercise called enthusiasm sparring in class. This particular time we were to say good things about ourselves as we sparred. My partner found it quite easy to say that she was a good instructor, a good mother, and good friend, all of which I heartily agree, but then she said, "And I'm fairly good looking considering my age." Why couldn't she just say, "I'm beautiful!" She is a very beautiful woman with gorgeous eyes and a wonderful smile. In fact, I have noticed that very few women can say out loud that they are beautiful, although men seem to be able to say they are good looking rather easily. Then my turns came and went and I found that I just couldn't say it out loud either. Why not? Who, what or why can't we just say, "Hey, I'm beautiful!" or "I'm very good looking!" I think I once said that I like my red hair. Hmmm, just not the same.
This wasn't helped by the other experiences of the last few days. I've been watching videos of myself teaching. Most of the time I've been able to focus on the great parts of my teaching. I'm enthusiastic. We have a lot of fun. I laugh often. I listen well. I explain things well. My students are engaged in learning. But who I see in the video is not who I know from the inside.
Every once in a while one of my students, quite often a girl, will comment on how awful they look on video. I'm quick to let them know that it is important for them to love who they are. I remind the teachers that I teach how important it is to be confident in front of a camera because the students will follow their example. I have so many hours of myself on video that it doesn't make me nervous as it once did to have the camera turned my way. In fact, sometimes it's quite fun! I loved watching my interaction with the students. I remembered those days--I was so excited afterwards that it took a lot of time to settle down and do something else. I love my students!
So why is it that I can't with confidence yell, "I'm beautiful!"? My husband tells me that I am. My friends tell me that I am. I'm a daughter of God and I know that He knows that I'm beautiful. I feel beautiful inside. So next time that I am enthusiasm sparring I'm going to say it. "I am beautiful. I AM beautiful. I am BEAUTIFUL!"
2 comments:
I did it! On Saturday we were once again enthusiasm sparring and I said it, "I am beautiful!" The friend that I was writing about also said that she was beautiful, too. Of the seven people in class, two young men and, two young women and three women, enthusiasm sparring was hard for the women, but not so for the young men.
Tonight during our last class at the current location we were working out very hard. There was a lot of sweat! As we worked out we also had to listen for a signal. Every time we heard the signal we were to go down on the floor and touch our tummies and when we got back up we were to say, "I love myself!" It was so fun that we laughed and laughed. I laughed so hard that now it hurts to laugh!
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